Familiar
Head Warrior
IvyClan Leader BreezeClan Med. Cat Honorary Warrior[M0n:468]
May StarClan light your path.[D3v:HeyShowtune]
Posts: 305
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Post by Familiar on Jan 30, 2011 8:06:36 GMT -8
This is a story I wrote a while ago about Heatherdust. It's just a short passage; I'd love feedback!
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Heatherdust’s pawsteps were light on the snow. She was in her element, ghosting through the cold moorland like she knew every tail length of it by heart—and she did. Scents wafted through the air to her: a far-off, salty whisper of StormClan cats, the now ever-present badger scent, and—
Suddenly, a bird took flight above her. She froze and pulled her head up. Her body snapped into one tense, instinctive line as her head pivoted, scanning the surrounding hills and gorse. Her whiskers quivered. Her breath clouded the air. Everything was still and silent.
Finally, she lashed her tail and turned. She gave herself a brisk shake and continued padding through the forest. It was all right. The forest was at rest now, hunkered down for the coming leafbare. Nothing BreezeClan cats couldn’t handle, of course. She forced her mind back to the list of herbs she had composed in her head. They had to be gathered before all of the plants turned black and died. Dock, lavender, marigold…and the catmint patch, that had to be checked on, of course…
Speeding up, she reminded herself firmly that the past was the past. She was a medicine cat now; her warrior days were behind her. She was bound to StarClan. They had given her a duty.
The wind ruffled her pelt, and she shivered. Somewhat uneasily, she hoped she was doing it right.
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Post by Raven on Jan 30, 2011 8:35:22 GMT -8
Wow, that's awesome! :3 The only "bad" thing I could find was a minor grammar error. I hope you don't mind my pointing it out?
should be
But other than that, great job! I really like your writing style. ^^
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
IvyClan Deputy[M0n:-33]
Suncloud- IvyClan Deputy
Posts: 441
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Post by Rose ツ on Jan 30, 2011 9:10:27 GMT -8
Ooh, I really like that.
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Familiar
Head Warrior
IvyClan Leader BreezeClan Med. Cat Honorary Warrior[M0n:468]
May StarClan light your path.[D3v:HeyShowtune]
Posts: 305
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Post by Familiar on Jan 30, 2011 9:26:22 GMT -8
@raven: Argh, thanks Rae. - edits and shakes fist at typos - Rose ツ: Thanks; I had a lot of fun writing it. :D
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Post by NinjaEspy on Jan 30, 2011 9:48:24 GMT -8
Awesome! c: I have no critique.
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
IvyClan Deputy[M0n:-33]
Suncloud- IvyClan Deputy
Posts: 441
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 13, 2011 10:28:22 GMT -8
Are there going to be any continuations?
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Falling Star
Warrior of StarClan
BreezeClan Med. Cat[M0n:-30]
Retired from her moderating job.
Posts: 494
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Post by Falling Star on Feb 16, 2011 18:06:12 GMT -8
That was great, Heatherdust! C: Nice job, I enjoyed reading it! /late reply
Why am I not in it? ; - ;
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Familiar
Head Warrior
IvyClan Leader BreezeClan Med. Cat Honorary Warrior[M0n:468]
May StarClan light your path.[D3v:HeyShowtune]
Posts: 305
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Post by Familiar on Feb 25, 2011 18:20:03 GMT -8
Rose ツ: Idk; I wasn't planning on it, but there might be. Would anybody like to see a continuation? I'll warn you now that I'm a terrible updater.@tech: Thank you Tech~ And omg I'm sorry; I wrote this even before Ravenflight existed. ; n ;
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Falling Star
Warrior of StarClan
BreezeClan Med. Cat[M0n:-30]
Retired from her moderating job.
Posts: 494
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Post by Falling Star on Feb 26, 2011 16:54:29 GMT -8
;a; Well, then change it! /shot You're welcome! Had fun reading it!!
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
IvyClan Deputy[M0n:-33]
Suncloud- IvyClan Deputy
Posts: 441
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 26, 2011 17:06:49 GMT -8
I would like a continuation... this is a nice story. xD
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