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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Jan 30, 2011 12:28:47 GMT -8
Chapter 3 Part 3 Runningpaw's prespective “These fights are the ones that us warriors think will be most equal.” Rainheart said, “First up is Firepaw and Runningpaw.” Rainpelt said. Once I heard my name I sprinted to where we would fight. I was bouncing around ready to go. Firepaw came walking over with ease, “Ready, set go!” Bramblenose said. We started walk toward each other slowly. Then Firepaw darted to my side and batted me I slid pretty far I, “Ow that hurt…” I thought, Firepaw was still charging at me, I knew I couldn’t fight him. I guess I should start running. I run around and around until I was finally not able to run anymore, Firepaw was walking towards me ready to knock me far again. I braced for the impact until. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a leaf, on instance I jumped up and twisted to reach. In that same second Firepaw leaped at me, I was almost at the leaf. So when I was in the air I kicked one more time and my hind paw hit Firepaw head so hard he hit the ground he couldn’t move for a while. I walked over to Firepaw, his eyes started to open and he said, “I give up you win.” Goldenfur came over, to me. “Nice fight how did you know to do that?” Goldenfur asked. “I don’t know it just came to me…” I replied, I walked over to Hawkpaw was with Cloudpaw. “Hey Runningpaw! Great job!” Cloudpaw said to me, Hawkpaw turned to watch the next fight completely ignoring me. “Hey Cloudpaw! It’s your turn.” Hawkpaw said. Cloudpaw looked sort of surprised but she dashed over to where she would fight. In the middle of running Cloudpaw pressed her flank lightly into Hawkpaw’s and kept running. I walked over to Hawkpaw to watch my sister, Rainpaw, fight. I wanted her to win but it didn’t seem like Hawkpaw cared who would win. Rainpaw was trying to fight Cloudpaw again, can’t wait to see it.
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Jan 30, 2011 12:31:01 GMT -8
Chapter 4 Part 1 Hawkpaw's prespective.
I turned to look over at the battle. I went to get a closer look next to Firepaw. The fight started, Rainpaw made the first move by darting towards Cloudpaw. Cloudpaw used side-steped and batted Rainpaw over. I stood there in awe. Cloudpaw was so quick it didn't even seem real. I'm glad I'll never have to face her in battle. I walked over to the clearing waiting to fight. I saw Streampaw push her way threw the other cats. And sulked in. Streampaw made the first move by rushing over to one side. I didn't understand the way of attack. I ran over about to make the first blow when I got hit from behind. I was flying threw the air when I though, "That wasn't Streampaw..." I bounced on the ground when I opened my eyes, everything was all blurry. When I noticed the cat above me was Cloudpaw. I scrambled up on to my paws. "Badger! Run!" Goldenfur screamed. I ran with Cloudpaw, we were pretty seperated from the others. We were running and running until we saw the Ivyclan border with cats on the other side. That's wehen we realized they were being attacked by rouges. "Should we help?" I asked. "No not now, and anyway your injured." Cloudpaw responeded. We ran to camp, my flank was bleeding but I didn't seem to notice. Once we got in camp I fell over, I was bleeding pretty bad now. I saw Starflight coming over rushing with herbs Spottedpaw running after her. "So we need to put cobwebs to stop the bleeding, and dock leaves for keeping it from being infected. Spottedpaw got everything Starflgiht needed, so they wre healing me pretty quickly.
* * * I was all healed up and tonight was the gathering. My first one ever. I was surprised how I was chosen to attend the gathering. We were going to the Circle of Trees, it was closest to Ivyclan so we had to go through part of their territory if we want to get there on time. We were at the entrance we were about the walk in then...
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Jan 30, 2011 12:31:17 GMT -8
Chapter 4 part 2 Rainpaw's perspective
I was standing there looking at Hawkpaw he was bleeding pretty badly; his blood was spraying all over the ground. It wasn’t a pretty sight, I started to walk closer when I his realized his wounds were getting better in a few minutes he was able to walk on his feet again. I started to relax and I went to get a vole. I went over to the other apprentices and started to listen into their conversations. I was about enjoy my vole until a border patrol came bursting through the tunnel saying, “Ivyclan is attacking!” I scrambled up to my paws and turned to confront the Ivyclan warriors. It seemed they had brought at least a couple of patrols but luckily our warriors were still in camp. I ran up and took on an apprentice, I raked their flank but they countered that by batting me back. I landed with my belly exposed they were about to do a jarring blow. I raised my paws and kicked them up in the air. I swiftly got back on my paws and sprinted to the other side of the ginger cat, and batted them into another Ivyclan cat. I wiped my mouth of the little blood I had. I guessed I’m doing pretty well so far I thought as I went to fight another apprentice.
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
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Post by Rose ツ on Jan 30, 2011 14:42:50 GMT -8
Nice chapters! I like the story so far.
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Jan 30, 2011 14:55:59 GMT -8
Chapter 4 Part 3 Runningpaw’s POV Finally some action! I thought to myself, I bounded over to fight, a Ivyclan Warrior with the help of Bramblenose. I rolled into the warrior who easily stepped away but the warrior got barreled into by Bramblenose. Another Ivyclan warrior, a huge gray tom came to help his comrade’s side. I started to wrestle the smaller one but I was easily out matched when I saw, Rainpaw come to my side. She jumped on the cat and started clawing him, “Thanks,” I muttered, to her, I turned to look at Bramblenose he was bloody but he drove off the even bloodier opponent. He rushed to our side to help us, with three cats fighting one we easily drove him out. I looked around, to see Hawkpaw fighting with, Cloudpaw, and Firepaw, and they were driving back a few apprentices. I looked around the camp and saw the Ivyclan warriors pulling back, slinking away back to their camp. We were battered, but we drove Ivyclan out of our camp. “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather below Highledge!” Hawkstar yowled, I padded over and sat in between Hawkpaw and Firepaw. Hawkpaw glanced at me but said nothing, Hawkstar continued. “We all fought very well, driving Ivyclan out of our camp. With the attack we will need more patrols near Shine Forest. We still have time before the Gathering, Nightbreeze, lead a patrol of the warriors that aren’t that hurt from the battle. Everyone else that is going to the Gathering get healed first.” Hawkstar finished and walked down to the medicine den. I followed after him with Rainpaw next to me. I got inside where Spottedpaw looked over me and said, “Your okay, you can go.” And said the same to Rainpaw, we both walked out the den and walked over to where Hawkpaw was eating a squirrel with Cloudpaw, Rainpaw went to get two mice for me and one for her. We sat down and ate, “Hey Hawkpaw,” I said trying to start a conversation, “Oh hey Runningpaw,” Hawkpaw replied finally paying attention. “What do you think will happen at the Gathering?” Rainpaw asked. “I have been to a couple gatherings, it’s great to meet new cats from other clans.” Cloudpaw responded, “This is probably my last of my apprenticeship.” Cloudpaw continued with a smile, “Congrats,” Hawkfrost said to her. “We are leaving for the gathering!” Hawkstar announced from the Highledge and jumped towards the tunnel. “Well we better get going.” Cloudpaw said getting up, Hawkpaw followed, I went over to Firepaw and asked, “When are you having your assessment, you are ready.” “Tomorrow at dawn real early, that’s how I like it.” Firepaw said smiling, and at that moment we were off to the gathering, Circle of Trees here we come.
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Rose ツ
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Post by Rose ツ on Jan 30, 2011 15:09:23 GMT -8
Again, good. If I had one suggestion, it would be to do a grammar check. ~Rose
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Jan 31, 2011 17:55:44 GMT -8
Chapter 5 Part 1 Hawkpaw’s POV I was walking next to Cloudpaw, the pine forest’s aroma was intoxicating with the smell of new leaf. We got to where I had been attacked by the badger some blood was still splattered on the grass, “You fought great when we trained.” I told her, she licked my ear in a response. We reached a small creek but it was deep, I walked over to river and saw the reflection of silverpelt and my icy blue eyes with comforting amber eyes next to me. I turned and started to turn and cross the fallen tree. The tree still had its bark and was fairly dry which made it easy to cross over. We kept on walking through our forest and as we went it got cooler and cooler, deeper and deeper into the unknown Ivyclan. We walked through the forest and finally we got up to some bushes when Hawkstar halted, “What’s going on?” I whispered to Cloudpaw, I looked back and from the looks of it Rainpaw, and Runningpaw had the same question. “We are just wait for Hawkstar to allow us in.” Cloudpaw responded. Hawkstar after a few moments went in, once I was inside the odor of other clan scents shot up my nose. So many cats in one area it wasn’t believable, “Follow me I got to show you some people,” Cloudpaw flicked her tail in the direction and I followed. Cloudpaw led me into a group of Breezeclan cats. “Hi everyone,” Cloudpaw said sitting down, “This is a new apprentice Hawkpaw,” She said the cats. “Hey I’m Seapaw,” Said a gray blue cat, “I’m Sablepaw,” Said the brownish she cat, “And I’m Ravenpaw,” said the black she cat. “Uh, hi.” I said, I looked around nervously about what to say, when my eyes locked on a cat. A beautiful black she cat was talking among other cats. I shook my head and looked up to the leaders who seemed were going to start the gathering. A hush started to go over the cats as the leaders went on their posts. Cloudpaw gave me a nudge so I would look in the right direction. I turned, and watched, Froststar spoke first, “My clan is doing well the river froze but there hasn’t been much flooding due to the thaw.” Redstar nodded, “Our side of the river has barely flooded, not much affect to the prey.” I looked down at the grass, pulling piece by piece, the gathering was very dull nothing much they said grabbed my attention. Just “Our prey is running well, we are surviving.” Is what was droning around the gathering. But then when Hawkstar mentioned that our cats have been injured, Redstar glared at them and said, “Our cats have also been injured but we are strong still.” I felt the atmosphere get more intense with the bristling anger of the two clans. Would they fight? Why here? Why now?
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Feb 1, 2011 9:01:47 GMT -8
Seriously no one reading?
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Rose ツ
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 1, 2011 9:18:01 GMT -8
Well, I did. But you need to do a grammar check.
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Feb 1, 2011 13:11:04 GMT -8
Alright what grammar errors. -_-
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 1, 2011 13:32:00 GMT -8
Theres one in the first sentence. All you need to do is type it in Word, then click Grammar Check after you're done. It's simple but effective, and I think it would make it alot easier to read.
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Post by Raven on Feb 1, 2011 13:42:58 GMT -8
She means a run-on sentence.
is better written as
or
or
Other than the occasional typo or grammatical error, this is a great story, and I need to go reread the earlier chapters later. xD I can also give a critique, if you'd like one.
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 1, 2011 13:46:00 GMT -8
She means a run-on sentence. is better written as or or Other than the occasional typo or grammatical error, this is a great story, and I need to go reread the earlier chapters later. xD I can also give a critique, if you'd like one. That's all I meant. I love the story; it would just be easier to read if there weren't any run-on sentences.
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Post by Knuckles|Pr3yLicous on Feb 1, 2011 15:52:40 GMT -8
You all are so tedious... Maybe I wanted it that way. HUH? HUH?
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Rose ツ
Experienced Warrior
IvyClan Deputy[M0n:-33]
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Post by Rose ツ on Feb 1, 2011 16:19:19 GMT -8
You all are so tedious... Maybe I wanted it that way. HUH? HUH? Lol, calm down. It's fine if you want it that way; we are just giving suggestions. ;-;
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